I've seen a lot of people adopting words for this year. If I had to choose one, I guess it would be CALM. The past couple of weeks have blown my mind in a good way. I imagined I'd like my job, but that a little part of me might leave the office sad every day, missing the fast-paced life of a production stage manager, wishing I were in rehearsal or coordinating 40 costume fittings. While I certainly do miss some things about my old job, I am so incredibly happy right now. My job is quite fulfilling--I'm using my stage manager brain CONSTANTLY. My entire day consists of creative problem-solving, trouble-shooting, soothing hurt feelings, maintaining relationships and organizing details. I'm enjoying the work and the people. I was, I admit, very worried about feeling isolated--I work in a cubicle, pretty much on my own unless someone needs me. But people need me a lot. I talk to our presenters on the phone a lot and I walk over to the production offices several times a day to check in about this and that. My job really is a nice balance of production and administration. The best part, though, is that when I'm done with my workday at 4:30, I can stand up and walk away, knowing that I won't be dealing with anything else work-related until 8:30 the next morning.
My mommy guilt has dissolved and I cannot tell you the freedom that I feel. My family looks at each other's faces again. We are not rushing through things like we had to before. There's plenty of time for us to "waste" twenty minutes when we get home relaxing on the couch, doing our own thing, before we delve into "how was your day?" Dean wants to tell me what he did at school and, because I work at a place he thinks is super cool, he wants to hear what I did, too. We make and eat dinner together at a leisurely pace every night, not just once or twice a week. I have put Dean to bed every night for the past 10 days and it has been glorious. I feel so well-rested. I'm on top of housework. Marcus and I have time to hang out together and talk or goof around on the internet (FAIL videos are our new favorite) instead of spending the little time we have together talking about logistics or figuring out who can find a sitter for that week. I know things won't always seem so easy, but right now, this is so wonderful.
It was hard to walk away from my job, but I know now that it was absolutely the right thing for us right now. This is the speed at which we need to be living at this moment.
I saw a quote on Pinterest the other day that said, "I will be happy with a calm life." I think that's my new mantra.