After four and a half years of trying to do everything right, I'm giving myself permission to stop. I AM a good enough mother. I'm not going to screw Dean up. I'm not going to let any joy get sucked out of my life because I don't think I'm following whatever imaginary rulebook of perfect motherhood has been screaming from my head.
I give myself permission to play. The house will get cleaned when it gets cleaned. I'd rather build Lego cities with Dean.
I let myself off the hook for letting my child watch tv, for telling him to entertain himself while I make dinner, for refusing to carry him to the bathroom. I do not have to do everything for him. In fact, I shouldn't.
I will not repeat WILL NOT feel guilty about my job. It provides for my family and I love it. I give myself permission to enjoy every second of the Christmas show I'm working on, especially since it's my favorite time of year. I'm surrounded by a great team and it's going to be fun. I will proudly bring my family to see the last performance of the run.
I will enjoy every second of my free time until I start work on said Christmas show. I will let go of the need to answer emails instantaneously. (Or at least, I'll try to.)
I will go on outings with my husband (this is a long-term one) and not feel guilty about the money we're spending or the fact that we hired a sitter. We need that time together out of our house.
I am a good enough mom. Dean is thriving. I want to enjoy his childhood, not fear it. So I'm letting myself off the hook, giving myself permission to let go because I want to and I need to. Life's too short to dwell on doing everything right.