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The DMV: The Opposite of a Love Story

I have been to the DM V 6 times in the past month and a half.  Only one of those times was for myself, to renew my license.  THAT trip was easy as pie--I discovered a new license office in my county, much closer to home than the other one, and I was in and out in under 20 minutes.  Believe it or not, the only DMV I've ever been to that was quicker than this one was the Drivers' License Express office in midtown Manhattan.

As some of you know from Facebook, my company received an incredibly generous donation from Honda---a 2008 Odyssey van.  As Director of Touring, I am technically the company's point-person for our vehicle pool, so I was responsible for taking it to get registered and such.  The first step was gathering information.  Naturally, the laundry list of things you need to register a vehicle for a company (especially when it was a donation, not a purchase), is quite different, and it's not something the DMV deals with very often.  For two days in a row, my coworker Lito and I stood in long lines just to figure out what we needed.  Our boss thought a satellite office might be a better idea, so on the third day, we set off for Bessemer, Alabama, which is about 8 miles from the middle of nowhere.

Forgetting about the fancy navigation system in the fancy van, we used the GPS on one of our phones and ended up at a pawn shop.  Finally we found the DMV, where we were harrassed by a man with a clipboard trying to get us to sign a petition without revealing what the heck we were supposed to be signing.  Once we got to the door, we were informed that the tag and title office was closing for lunch and that our wait would be 2-3 hours.

We left.

I went back the next morning, explained what I needed to do to a nice man working the line, and was handed a power of attorney form and sent away.

Fast forward to today.  I arrived at the DMV office at 7:15am and the line was already wrapped around the building.  I visited with a couple of nice ladies in front of and behind me while we waited. They let us in 10 at a time. Once inside and through the security line, the wait was still over 2 hours.  While waiting, I encountered some very colorful characters and moments.  The couple in front of me who may have been all of 20 years old were making out. And I don't just mean kissing, I mean hard-core making out.  I cannot think of a place on earth that is less sexy than the DMV at 8:00 on a Tuesday, except perhaps an infectious disease ward.  GET A ROOM.

There was an elderly man who cut in line because he wanted to sit.  On 8 different occasions, I heard him refer to different people as, "colored." And I died a little.

Once I finally got to the window at 11:15, the lady was trying SO HARD to be rude to me. I finally just stopped, looked at her, and said, "Look. I'm as unfamiliar with this process as anyone, but if you'll just tell me what you need, I'll get it for you."  She chilled out a bit.

Finally I was done and back to the office, where I consumed a Lean Cuisine pizza as though it were the finest steak in the world, and treated myself to some extra caffeine.

And I hereby vow not to step into another DMV office until my own license expires in 2017.

Fat Tuesday

Like me, my coworkers like to eat. We also like to go out to lunch. It gives us a break from the office, where there are no windows. It gives us a chance to vent if we need to. It gives us a chance to be off the clock for a minute, free of ringing phones and such.  We sometimes walk to a food court, while other times we drive a little further to a restaurant.  Many of us sample one another's food. (ahem, me, cough cough) Sometimes we plan lunch all morning. For us, it's an event.

Tuesday was a particularly spectacular day for lunch.  We walked over to the food court, armed with the knowledge that :

1.  There was a new Mexican place, and

2.  The Shipley's Donut Shop sells box lunches.

We split in half, some going for burritos, the rest of us opting for Shipley's.  Our box lunches featured a kolache, stuffed with your choice of turkey, ham, buffalo chicken, pepperoni, meatballs, sausage, and the like, a donut, a bag of chips, and a drink. FOR LESS THAN FIVE DOLLARS. I mean, with a price like that, they are practically DEMANDING you eat there. 

We all met up and ate our respective lunches, comparing our kolache stuffings and donut choices.  Once the Shipley's group finished, we all just sort of looked at each other until one brave soul spoke up:  I'm still hungry.  That's all it took for me to run to the Mexican place for an order of nachos.  In my defense, WE SHARED.  And they were outstanding.  Then we went back to Shipley's because we needed dessert. Yeah.

One friend, who shall remain nameless, ate the following at this lunch outing:

1 buffalo chicken kolache

1 meatball kolache

1 bag of Lay's potato chips

1 cinnamon sugar donut

1 pint of whole milk

2 nachos with chicken

1 chocolate frosted donut

1 buttermilk cake donut

1 cup of coffee

We're pretty sure he's either pregnant or that God has some big plan for him which will involve hibernation.

Today we took it easy and patronized a food truck that specializes in grilled cheese.  After yesterday's smorgasbord, it almost seemed like we were eating health food.

Next time we go to the Indian buffet, I'll be sure to take pictures. The amount of naan we consume will either impress or horrify you.

 

Confessions Of A Foodie

Sometimes food-related things make me mad.  For instance, Lean Cuisines.  My friend Stephanie and I try to be good people and bring our lunches to work. We don't have many places within walking distance to our office and sometimes finding parking at downtown restaurants is just more of a pain than it's worth.  (Unless it's at Taziki's.  It is always worth it at Taziki's.) A lot of times, we bring leftovers. Some days, however, we break out the Lean Cuisines.  I typically stay away from frozen entrees because of their high sodium level, but even I cave to the ease of a microwave meal sometimes.  We both had Lean Cuisine entrees last week. Actually, mine may have been a Smart Ones. They are all the same to me. Whatever it was I was eating only had about 280 calories. Stephanie had a chicken panini, I had turkey medallions with mashed potatoes.   Ok.  There were FOUR BITES of turkey in this thing and about 3 spoonfuls of mashed potatoes.  Stephanie dropped a piece of chicken off her panini, so she probably only ended up eating about 150 calories. The point of this story is to tell you that by 2:30, we were in the fridge raiding our emergency hummus.

Whenever we have people over, I tend to put a lot of pressure on myself when it comes to deciding what to cook.  It exhausts Marcus. It goes something like this:

Me:  Should I try a new recipe?

Marcus: Make chili.

Me:  But I have all that rosemary in the garden. People like rosemary. I should make rosemary chicken.

Marcus: Or chili.

Me:  But people are picky about chili. Some like beans, some don't. Everyone thinks their chili is the best.

Marcus: It's not. Yours is.

Me:  You're sweet, but you have to say that.

Marcus:  Forget it. I'm making tacos.

And then I WIN. 

 I really should chill about impressing people. When I bake, people want one of three things:  Chocolate Sheet Cake, Almond Cupcakes or teacakes (chewy sugar cookies).  The things I inufse with flavored extracts are delicious, but those three recipes, which I could probably make in my sleep, are the ones that please.  We once had a babysitter who, rather than being paid in cash, just asked that I make her a roast in the crockpot.   (Again, I WIN.)

Tonight Dean asked for apples with mayonnaise.  I kind of gagged in his face. (Kind of like this.)  Obviously, I am failing him in some area.  He will be donning his red monogrammed apron this week and helping make dinner.

 

 

The Time I Cooked Salmon

This weekend passed by quickly.  I'd say too quickly, but The Weekend is still such a new and novel concept in my life that ANY time off is so very appreciated. I did have to work on Saturday, but Dean got to come, so it hardly felt like work.

On Friday night, Hannah-Jean arrived. HJ was a freshman Marcus's first year at Montevallo. She's a stage manager. (You see where this is going, yes?)  She was in my arts management class. The minute she graduated, I snatched her up as my assistant at ASF. Since I've left, I miss her SOOOOO much. So she visits whenever possible.  Dean thinks she belongs to him, so he's always happy when she comes for a "sleepover." 

I decided to have dinner made when HJ arrived.  Dean and I made a futile attempt to go to the haircut store, as he calls it, but we were 8th in line at Great Clips and the lady he likes was going on her break, so we decided to try later.  We grabbed him some dinner, then stopped at the store.  I suddenly had a craving for Greek salad, so I grabbed some feta, romaine, sundried tomatoes, a red onion, Greek dressing....and a filet of salmon.  Many people know of my irrational fear of cooking fish. Shellfish? No problem. FISH fish? Scary.  I pinned a salmon "recipe" not long ago, a little cheat from the Pioneer Woman, explaining how to cook a piece of salmon perfectly. 

Y'all.

You drizzle this piece of salmon with olive oil, sprinkle on pepper (and salt if you're into that) and a little garlic powder, then put it in a cold oven. Turn the oven on to 400 degrees, then cook that baby for 25-30 minutes. It turns out absolutlely perfect. 

Eva will be mildly disappointed that I did not cook it in the dishwasher, but this method is just better.

 

Palate, Ruined

Marcus is in tech rehearsals for his play,  SIX DEGREES OF SEPARATION.  On Sunday afternoon, he came into the kitchen where I was baking cupcakes for him to take to his actors, and started to gather things to make a sandwich to take for his dinner. He had bought some "bacon and cheddar spread" that he was REALLY excited to try.  I looked at the tub, noticed the brand (Mrs. Stratton's) and asked, "Is that like pimento cheese with bacon?" He looked concerned.

"Do I like pimento cheese?" he asked.

"I doubt it"  I replied.

Again with the concerned look.  He took off the lid, sniffed it, looked at me and said, "Now I'm scared," then scooped a little up on his finger and put it in his mouth.

What happened next has made both Dean and me burst out laughing countless times over the past 24 hours. All we have to do is think of it and we get tickled.  Marcus put the stuff in his mouth, then began shaking his head from side to side and ran toward the sink.  He turned on the faucet put his head under it and ran water in his mouth. He then began to gag and sputter.  Dean and I were screaming by this time.  I was actually leaning against the doorframe with tears streaming down my face.  When he could finally talk again (five minutes later), he was practically panting. He looked at me and said, "That was the worst thing I have ever tasted. Take it away."  I think he may have cried a little.

So, in conclusion, we do NOT recommend pimento cheese with bacon.

Spring Break Is All Around Me

I thought briefly of writing a song with that title, set to the tune of "Love Is All Around," but more reminiscent of "Christmas Is All Around" from Love Actually. I have spared you. You are welcome.

Marcus and Dean are on spring break this week.  We started the wild party that it will surely be on Friday with an impromptu trip to the Galleria Mall.  Marcus and Dean decided they wanted to buy the Skylanders video game for the XBox.  I beat them there and walked around a mall alone for the first time in over 5 years.  It was very surreal.  The last time I did that, I was about 8 months pregnant with Dean and in Queens.  When the guys got there, Dean wanted to show Marcus the mall because he thought he'd never been there.  You see, we don't go to the mall often.  Dean's first real memories of it are from his 4th birthday, and then we only went to Build A Bear. My mom and I took him on his birthday this year and he discovered the true joy of the mall.  After some shopping and without any luck finding Skylanders, we headed to Johnny Rockets for dinner.  Marcus always enjoys judging watching tables of pre-teen-aged girls talking loudly and wearing more makeup than anyone really should.  The gaggle behind us was cracking us up, particularly the perfect blend of their prissiness combined with an obvious love of triple-meat hamburgers. 

Dean has gotten to stay up late so far this weekend. I noticed him drifting off while we were reading a story last night, so I paused for a second.  He opened his eyes and prompted me, feeding me the next line of the book.  Thank you, stage manager's child.

We went to Lowe's yesterday, a favorite family activity for some unknown reason, and bought some new plants for the garden. We all chipped in when we got home and worked on clearning out the weeds, trimming back the rosemary (OMG the rosemary!), and getting the bed ready for the new plants.  We'll (hopefully) be growing rainbow chard, blueberries and blackberries soon.  And, naturally, rosemary.  Dean loved digging in the dirt and helping bring the weeds to the trash pile in the back yard.  I just hope I don't kill anything.

Other plans for the week have been discussed. They involve fishing, visiting me at work for a lunch date, a movie outing, a possible trip to the science museum, and painting a picture to be used in Marcus's show.  I wish I could be home with them during the day, but I look forward to hearing about their adventures at night.  I hope to use the nights with Marcus at home to finally run out and get a hair cut, eat dinner in a liesurely fashion, instead of the rushed insantiy that it is five nights a week when he's in rehearsal, and enjoy some extra evening time with Dean, since bed time can be a little later. 

I will be shocked if someone doesn't end up at the Bass Pro Shop. They'd better bring me some fudge.

 

More To Say

I almost shut my blog down the other day. Seriously.  I usually pay the bill in early March and when it came this year, I didn't pay it. Not until today.  I kept thinking, "What more do I have to say?" So many things are said by so many different people on the interwebs every day, nothing in my head seemed original.  

Then someone from my real life discovered my little space here.  And she liked it.  And she told me.

That was the push I needed.  There's still a lot to say. There always will be.  And I want to say them, to you, to keep for myself to read on a rainy day, to let my son read someday.  I want to talk about food, my family, the world.

This blog is my cook book, my son's baby book, a document of the majority of my marriage, a record of our entire time in Alabama.  How could I ever think of letting it go?  There's a lot more to say.

A Mom Blog Moment

Remember when this was a mom blog? When ALL I talked about was Dean? Those were the days. I've moved away from reporting his every move, but I thought he deserved a post today.  I want to make sure I don't forget the minutae of life with Dean the five year old. 

This morning, out of nowhere, Dean started singing HALLELUJAH. (we still struggle with the W for L substitution from time to time, so it sounded like "Hawewujah.") This is one of my favorite songs in the world. I asked how he knew it and he said, "You watch it on YouTube all the time." It's true. I do.

His eating still cracks me up.  From the baby who couldn't get enough broccoli, but wouldn't touch a piece of chicken has grown a boy who will gnaw a chicken leg to the bone. It's actually kind of gross to watch.  He scarfed one down the other night, then considered the bone for a second before asking me, "What's inside a bone?" I told him about marrow. Then I asked "Why?" He just stared at the bone, then  tried to bite it. While I appreciate his vigor, I would NOT appreciate the dental bill if he broke his tooth on a chicken bone.  He tried shrimp for the first time last weekend and LOVED it.   He will cut you for a biscuit or a muffin.

Now that he's older, I'm really starting to see traits in him that come directly from our family members. For instance, he gets tickled like my mom and I do, where he laughs so hard at something that his eyes water and he can't talk. One of my favorite things in the world is making my mother laugh like this, so I'm very, very happy to have another person to giggle with me.  My mom and dad visted this week and Dean and his Grammy spent about 15 minutes laughing uncontrollably.  This morning, Marcus asked me to add Yellow Cheese (Kraft Singles) to the shopping list. Dean and I had picked some up at Publix the other night, and Dean said, "We already got yellow cheese, yo." He thinks, "Oh, shoot" is one of the worst things you can say. If only it would stay that way.

I took him to work with me last weekend so he could see THE THREE LITTLE KITTENS.  He helped me work the ticket desk, welcoming our patrons as they arrived.  He was extremely well-behaved and really enjoyed being at the theatre.  He fell asleep on the way home and took a three-hour nap!

He's been begging for mouthwash for two weeks, who knows why.  I got him some for kids today and we practiced swishing with water before using the real stuff. He did great! The things that strike him are so funny. At least this one's a very healthy habit.

I love this age. He's funny, clever, loving, sweet, stubborn and smart.  I'm so happy to be his mom.

 

Reader Help: What should I vlog about?

So, I volunteered to start a blog for work. I figured that would fill my desire to blog somewhere else, especially since Food Lush closed its virtual doors. This site will always be my first love, but I like to have other irons in the fire, too.  Anywho, one of the first things my marketing manager wants me to do is a video blog, starring me, describing our tour shows.  I'm excited about it and I wrote the script in less than 30 minutes.  I made them promise not to make me record it until I've had an eyebrow wax, so I have a bit of time. In preparation for this project, I thought I'd do a couple of vlogs here to get myself used to hearing my own voice and to try to find an angle at which I dont' have a double-chin. 

This is where you come in.

What types of things would you like me to make video blogs about?  Should I do a cooking demo? Give you a guided tour of my makeup bag? Talk you through my menu for the week? Show you my workspace? Let you watch me fold tiny Angry Birds underpants?

Chime in! (and thanks!)

What's Going Down

My side gig, and a big part of my heart, is coming to an end this week as Food Lush and our sister site, Style Lush, close their virtual doors.  It's been such a great couple of years writing for the site and getting to know the other writers, my Lush Family.  But it's time to move on, on to new adventures.

I'm still enjoying my job and still learning how to live a more slow-paced, calm life. I'm loving the extra time it gives me with Dean and Marcus and I feel great.  I don't think I realized just how fried I was until I had a break. But now I'm preparing 90% of my meals instead of eating 90% of them out, I'm filling my car with gas once a week instead of four times, and I'm sleeping. It's nice.

I have a few blog ideas brewing, some on my own, some with others. I'm excited to re-embrace (is that a word?) my little corner of the web as I get to know this different version of  myself. I hope you'll tag along for the ride.